Tangled Up in Indigo
by CZeke
Summary: After-School Tea Time is a huge success... but not for quite the reason they think.
1. Center Stage

Their eyes were still swimming from the glare of the stage lights. The loudest cheers and applause they'd ever heard were still ringing in their ears. None of them could keep from grinning. They were helpless to fight their excitement, their sheer giddy exhaustion.

It was unanimous: in five years as their manager, bringing After-School Tea Time on tour to San Francisco was the best idea Ms. Sawako had ever had.

"Incredible! I can't believe how loud Americans are!" yelled Ritsu, whacking the side of her head as if to jostle the noise out of her ears. _Look who's talking_, Mio thought, but only for a second - she was too thrilled to be snarky.

Azusa nodded five or six times. "And there were _so many_ of them! I don't know how they all fit inside!"

"Ms. Sawako was right!" said Tsumugi. "We really do have a lot of fans here!"

Ritsu nudged Mio, winking. "Especially _you_! Did you see all those signs with your name?"

Mio blushed, but it was just a reflex; she was on top of the world, far beyond embarrassment's reach. "It was unbelievable!" she exclaimed. "Our best concert ever!"

"And we've got three more before we go back!" added Azusa.

Ritsu's eyes lit up. "Let's make them even _better_ than this one!" Enthusiastic agreement all round.

The girls started putting their instruments away, still trading inanities: "That was awesome!" "Wasn't that great?" "Oh wow!" Once the string instruments were in their carrying cases and the rest was in the roadies' capable hands, they headed out together in the general direction of their hotel.

Ritsu waved and shouted to random passers-by as they walked along. Azusa, bouncier than Mio had ever seen her, pointed out all the unfamiliar things on these American streets. ("The right side! They're driving on the right side!") Tsumugi listened with great interest and snapped photos of everything Azusa indicated.

Mio just smiled, enjoying their company and basking in the afterglow of that sensational performance. She was in heaven. Something did feel a bit off, but she couldn't put her finger on it, so it surely wasn't very important.

Not until they entered the hotel lobby did Mio realize what was wrong. Everybody else was hopping up and down with glee... so why was _Yui_ of all people being so quiet?

"Hey, Yui," said Mio. "Wasn't that a great concert?"

Yui looked up, and the strangely thoughtful expression she'd been wearing disappeared. "Yeah! It was huge! I can't wait to tell Ui and Nodoka and Sawa-chan!"

_There's our Yui,_ thought Mio, relieved.

"But... hmm."

"Hmm what?" said Ritsu. "Hmm nothing! It rocked! We were the best ever!" Azusa nodded vigorously.

"Oh, I know!" said Yui. "It was great! Hmm."

"Well?"

"Hmm."

Everyone was paying attention now. "Hmm what, Yui?" asked Tsumugi.

"Hmmmmmm."

No one made a sound.

"I'm just thinking. Did any of you see any boys in the crowd?"

Raised eyebrows surrounded Yui. Of all the things that might have been on her mind, nobody had expected _that_.

"I dunno," said Ritsu. "I don't have a good view from where I play."

"Neither do I," said Tsumugi, looking puzzled.

"How 'bout you, Mio?"

Years ago, the bassist wouldn't have been able to answer that question either; her stage fright had been so powerful she had to pretend not to see all those people _staring right at her_. Mio was doing much better these days, so she had no trouble recalling what tonight's audience had looked like. But try as she might... "You're right, Yui. I don't remember seeing any boys there."

"That's funny," said Azusa. "I wonder why."

Tsumugi smiled. "Well, we are a girl group. A lot of the boys who listen to us would probably be embarrassed to admit it."

"But none at all?" Azusa countered. "Even the girliest pop bands get _some_ boys at their concerts. You'd think a few of the girls would at least have dragged their boyfriends along."

Yui perked up and looked like she was about to add something, but Ritsu spoke first. "C'mon, this isn't so strange! We used to play for all-girl crowds all the time!"

Mio flicked Ritsu in the temple with her finger. "That's because we went to an all-girl _school_."

Wincing, Ritsu gave Mio a look that said _It was just a joke!_ Mio responded with one that said _You KNOW it'll confuse Yui anyway._ As far as Ritsu was concerned, that fell under acceptable casualties, but she let it go.

"Hmm," said Yui again.

This time everyone turned to look at her immediately. "Yes?" Azusa prompted.

"Well... didn't those girls in the audience seem very affectionate?"

There was a pregnant pause. Tsumugi, looking a bit startled, asked "How so?"

"A lot of them were holding hands. And standing really close together. And acting all couple-y."

"...You mean like you do with me?" asked Azusa.

"Nah. It was more... serious, I think."

Ritsu laughed. "Now you're just being crazy, Yui! Hey Mio, she's crazy, right?"

Mio called up that mental image again. This time she started to register details she hadn't paid attention to before. Girls who were clearly dancing with each _other_, not just with the mob. Girls with their heads on other girls' shoulders. Girls off in the corner being very... cozy...

No. Those two surely hadn't been k... ki...

"Huh," said Yui. "I guess we're a gay band. Did you know we were a gay band, Mio?"

There were people as far as Nevada who heard Mio scream.

* * *

**A/N: This'll be about 6 parts. The writing's actually almost done, but I'm gonna stagger publication, so look for the next part in a couple of days.**


	2. Kid Fears

Mio slammed the door to her room and fell to the floor behind it. She struggled in vain to control her panicked breathing.

A _gay_ band? Did their fans really think that?

Okay, they were all girls. But there were lots of girl bands out there! Like... like the Indigo Girls! Okay, bad example. How about...

"Feeling better yet?"

Mio jumped. She hadn't seen anyone else when she came in. "R-Ritsu! How did you get here before me?"

"I took the elevator. I can't believe you ran all the way here. We're on the sixteenth floor."

Mio looked down. "I... I didn't want to, but..."

Ritsu grinned. "But it would have spoiled your whole panic attack to stop and wait for an elevator."

"Shut up!" scolded the bassist, turning red.

"You've gotta relax, Mio. So maybe our fans have a wrong idea about us. Who cares?"

"It's embarrassing! Aren't _you_ embarrassed?"

Ritsu shrugged. "Not really. I doubt they pay much attention to me. The ones who always get focused on are Yui and... oh."

Mio was curling up like a turtle in a shell.

"Well, it's not everybody, right? Americans are weird. You still have lots of normal fans! Millions of them!"

Mio's head disappeared completely.

"Aw, come on." Ritsu sighed; it was going to take work to dig her friend out of this one. "Take it easy. Everything will be fine. We don't even know for sure that Yui's right."

"And if she is?" came a voice from somewhere around Mio's midsection.

"We'll clear it up somehow."

Mio's hair became visible again, just barely.

Ritsu leaned back on the bed. "We shouldn't be surprised, really," she mused. "This wouldn't have happened if our love lives weren't so pathetic."

"Pathetic?"

"Well, yeah. Yui has a sister instead of a boyfriend. I dunno what Azusa does with her time. Mugi keeps rejecting suitors, I never get past the second date, _your_ love is a stapler..."

"That's just a song!"

"A _weird_ song. What guy wants a girlfriend who compares her feelings to household objects? What's your sense of humour, a blender?"

"Get out of here!" yelled Mio, suddenly out in the open.

Ritsu held up her hands. "Hey, I'm just trying to help here!"

"OUT!"

"Fine. I was planning to hit the bar anyway, Little Miss Sensitive." (Ritsu was thoroughly enjoying her age of majority.) With a final "Try to take it easy, okay?" she headed off.

Letting her head fall again, Mio tried to stop the tears. "Stupid Ritsu... Never knows when to stop pushing it..."

But her friend was right. This wasn't something to sit here crying about, even if that was the only thing that came naturally to Mio in a crisis. The band had a problem. She would find a way to solve it.

First, organize. Mio got a pen and paper. Item one: Everyone thinks we're into... that stuff.

"Everyone" meaning their American fans. Probably not just the hundreds at the club last night. Probably thousands... tens of thousands...

Millions...

This time Mio's head was gone for over an hour.

* * *

"Found anything, Azu-nyan?"

"No! I just started!"

As Azusa typed, Yui perched over her shoulder and watched. It was annoying but endurable, and she had long since realized she could hope for no better from Yui than that.

Azusa had become ATT's tech geek more or less by default. The laptop belonged to Tsumugi, of course, but she didn't really know what to do with it. Ritsu didn't have the attention span for computers; Mio had once been insulted anonymously on the net and was still traumatized about it. As for Yui, to her friends' surprise, she was pretty good with computers - but she was far too lazy to bother, which was no surprise at all. That left Azusa to take point whenever the need arose.

Azusa glanced over at Tsumugi, who was sitting on the bed. No change - she was still in some kind of shell-shocked daze. "Are you okay, Mugi?"

The rich girl muttered something that sounded like "How did I miss it?"

"Pardon?"

Leaping to her feet, Tsumugi cried, "How? How did I not SEE?"

"Uh..."

"Tell me, Azusa!" she pleaded, gripping her junior's hands. "Do my eyes look all right to you?"

Azusa recognized that determined stare - her friend wasn't kidding. She squinted. "I don't see anything wrong."

"Did you forget your goggles?" asked Yui.

Tsumugi leapt in surprise. "Yui!"

"Hi."

"I didn't see you! And you were on Azusa's shoulder! _It's worse than I thought!_"

She ran into the bathroom. Moments later, frantic splashing sounds could be heard.

"I think she's washing her eyes," said Azusa.

"Silly Mugi," said Yui. "She'll never find her goggles that way."

Azusa sighed and called up a search engine. "Let's get back to this. As far as we know, we're all freaking out over nothing."

Yui perched again. "What's the plan, Azu-nyan?"

"We'll start with something simple. I'll put in our band name and the word 'gay', and we'll see what comes up."

She typed in the search phrase (Yui giggled when she reached "gay") and submitted it. The result count was in the thousands, but that could mean anything. She'd just take a look at the first few...

"Oh."

* * *

25 minutes later, Azusa had finally seen enough. She sat back in her chair.

"Done?" asked Yui, noodling on Giita.

"Yeah. I've tried every foreign site about us I could find - American, Korean, European, even a blog run from the international space station. I've checked news reports, message boards, YouTube threads..."

"And they all think we're...?"

"Let me put it this way. Our biggest fansite is called 'After-School Gay Time'."

Yui's eyes bugged out.

"The papers describe us as 'lesbian rockers'. We've won a bunch of polls for best new gay band. The reviews of 'LISTEN!' called it a cry against the heteronormative paradigm."

"Really? Mio said it was about when your cell phone goes staticky."

"It _is_." Azusa sighed. "Where are they getting these ideas?"

Yui started to ask something, then paused, considering. For a long moment, the only sound was Tsumugi wasting more water.

"Well?"

"Do they think any of us are... y'know, together?"

Azusa blushed. "Yeah. There was a lot of that."

"Mio and Ricchan, right?"

"Mostly. There are other people who think Mio's with me. Or that I'm with, um... you."

Yui blushed in turn. "That's... hmm... what's the right word..."

"It's okay, I won't be offended."

"Oh. Good." Yui shuddered. "That would be _weird_."

To her surprise, Azusa _was_ just a smidge offended. _You're not exactly my dream lover either,_ she thought.

"What about Mugi? Who do our fans think she's with?"

"Nobody, really. There are a few who put her with Mio, but Mio gets all kinds of weird stuff. And then there are the _group_ theories..."

"Really? Abelian or non-?"

Azusa rolled her eyes. Being undeclared in her first year, Yui had taken a couple of math courses, and what she'd learned chose the oddest moments to resurface. "I mean theories that we're _all_ together."

"Whoa!"

"Yeah."

"That's..." Yui wrinkled her brow. "Eee. No, that wouldn't work. Not at all."

"That's about how long the idea made sense to me, too. And guess who's supposed to be 'in charge'?"

"Mugi?"

The noise in the bathroom stopped for a moment.

"Nope. There's this nickname for us... 'Hirasawa's Haremites'."

Yui blinked. "Ui has a harem?"

"They mean _you_."

That took a moment to sink in... and then Yui grinned. "I run the harem!"

"Hey. No you don't."

"Yes I do! Hey Mugi, I run the harem!" The splashing started again.

Azusa sighed. "There's no harem. And if there were, you wouldn't run it."

"Silence, subject! Oh ho ho ho ho!"

"I knew I shouldn't have told -"

THUD. THUD THUD.

Yui and Azusa jumped. The noise was coming from the door.

THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD.

"I'll let Mio in," said Yui.

Azusa held her back. "Are you crazy? That could be anyone! A crazed stalker! A serial killer! We're in America - everybody has at least two guns!"

"Yeah. We should let Mio in so those people don't get her."

Several kinds of terror fought for dominance in Azusa's eyes. Before she could decide, the door beeped and unlocked. Mio burst in, shouting "THIS WORLD IS CORRUPT!"

On pure reflex, Azusa saluted.

"Hi Mio," said Yui, smiling. "Forgot you had a key, huh?"

Mio blushed briefly; then it was down to business. "Listen up! What do we know about, er... yuri girls?"

"They like other girls," said Yui.

"Everybody thinks we're them," said Azusa.

"I'm blind," said a voice from the bathroom.

Mio glared at all concerned. "But we're _not_, and it's easy to tell! The most important thing about yuri girls is that they're really _boys!_"

Blank stares all round.

"They're attracted to girls, right? So they only _look_ like girls themselves! In their heads, they're boys!"

Tsumugi popped her head out. "Is... is that true?"

"It makes perfect logical sense."

"But I..."

"Hmm," said Yui. "So when two gay girls get together, it's really two gay boys?"

Mio turned bright red. "You're missing the point!"

"I'm not sure anyone's _getting_ the point," said Azusa. "And I'm worried about Mugi."

The others looked. The blonde was on her knees staring into empty space. She looked like someone who had just become Death, destroyer of worlds.

"Probably jet lag," said Yui.

Mio started digging around among the bags. "Where are the costumes Sawa-chan made us for this trip?"

Azusa looked at Yui. "We didn't bring them _all_, did we? I thought we picked before we left, and only brought those."

Yui shrugged. Like most problems, she'd been counting on her friends to take care of this for her.

Mio was about to protest when she noticed Tsumugi. The rich girl, still vertically comatose, was pointing at the closet. They opened it to find all of Sawako's costumes hanging on the rack.

Mio sighed with relief. "Thanks, Mugi. You've always got our bases covered."

The inert Tsumugi gave a thumbs-up.

Without further ado, Mio dove in, searching frantically. "I still don't understand," said Azusa. "What exactly are you planning?"

"It's simple," said Mio, still digging. "All we have to do is use our heads. Yuri girls are really boys. So if we want to prove we're _not_ yuri..."

* * *

The crowd buzzed with silent anticipation. Any moment now...

Lights on. Curtains up.

The waiting was over. After-School Tea Time had arrived.

The crowd went wild for their favourite girls. Ritsu Tainaka on drums. Tsumugi Kotobuki at the keyboard. Yui Hirasawa and Azusa Nakano manning the guitars. And front and centre, Mio Akiyama, bass at the ready.

All wearing the pinkest, frilliest, _girliest_ outfits ever stitched together.

"Hello, boys and girls!" yelled out Mio. "We're so glad to see you all!"

A loud cheer answered her.

"Especially the boys! We like to look at boys! Right, Azusa?"

"Whatever," muttered Azusa.

"Right! We _love_ boys! 'Cause we're girls! GIRL POWER!"

More cheering.

"Tonight we have some brand new songs for you! Are you ready?"

The crowd made sure there was no possible mistake as to whether or not they were ready.

"Here we go! Hit it, Ritsu!"

Ritsu kicked up a rock beat. Tsumugi and the guitarists joined in. Mio gripped the mic tightly and waited for the moment, then began...

"Girls girls GIRLS! We do the girl thing!"

The crowd went wild.

* * *

**Next: Of Lightweights and Hairography**


	3. Shed Your Skin

The next morning, Mio was face down in her hotel scrambled eggs.

"Guess it didn't work," said Yui, looking at the newspaper's music section. The headline said it all: "Lesbian rockers go super-femme."

Azusa sighed. "That's what the bloggers all said, too. Everybody figured we were being ironic."

Ritsu, nursing a hangover, just groaned.

The only one who seemed content was Tsumugi. She had brought binoculars to the concert. Whatever she'd been after, she must have gotten it, because she was back to her usual self.

Mio yanked her head up. "I can't believe this! I went to so much trouble writing those new girly songs! 'Girl Thing', 'I Love Kitty Cats', 'You and I are Like a Pair of Scissors'... how could they misinterpret all of that?"

"The one about purses was pretty good," contributed Azusa.

Yui whispered to Ritsu, "If I looked at Mio's desk, I'd see a purse, a pair of scissors, and something with a Hello Kitty sticker on it, right?" Ritsu nodded wearily.

Mio made a fist. "We need a better plan. Something that will make it unmistakably clear that we're normal girls."

"Normal girls?" Azusa gestured around the table. "We're _us_, remember? We weren't even normal before we were rock stars."

"You know what I mean! We have to prove we're... what's the word..."

"Linear?" suggested Yui.

"_Straight_," said Ritsu, "and I don't see how we could _prove_ it. Even if we made out with boys right there on the stage, we could be faking."

"You _would_ come up with a plan like that!" Mio yelled. "I caught you trying to sneak a boy into our room last night!"

Ritsu deflated with relief. "So it _was_ a boy. I wasn't 100% sure."

Tsumugi's eyebrows furrowed. "I wish you would go easier on the alcohol, Ricchan. I'm worried about you."

"Aw, I'm fine."

"But with your low body mass index..."

Azusa snickered. "Are you calling Ritsu a lightweight?"

"Lightweights don't just get heavy on their own!" objected Ritsu. "It takes training! Practice!"

Mio sighed. "If you were that serious about _band_ practice, maybe you'd win a popularity poll once in a while."

"They just can't see me in back," muttered Ritsu. Then an evil grin crossed her face. "Or maybe, since they all think we're gay, the most popular is just naturally the gayest one. Hey, remind me who keeps winning those polls?"

Mio broke her plate over Ritsu's forehead.

"Well, _our_ night was fine," said Azusa, sipping her tea. "We had a great game of Monopoly."

"I won!" chirped Tsumugi, who always won.

"And then we watched that movie Himiko had a cameo in," Azusa continued. "It was a fun night."

"Yeah," muttered Yui. "Thrillsville."

"You need to relax, Mio. You're overthinking this thing."

"Maybe later," said Mio, scribbling song lyrics on her napkin furiously. "What rhymes with 'muscles'?"

Head in hands, Azusa asked, "Why?"

"I've figured it out! See, we thought being girly would be enough to prove we weren't yuri -"

"There was no 'we' about it."

"C'mon, let her finish," Ritsu scolded.

"- but what we really needed to do was stress how much we like _boys_! We need to be boy crazy!"

Ritsu glared at Mio. "Give me back my 'Let her finish'."

"I'll handle the lyrics," Mio barrelled on. "Mugi, Azusa, see what you can do about the internet posts. And _you_ two," she told Yui and Ritsu, "have a special mission."

Yui clapped her hands. "A special mission, Ricchan!"

"Can't I just get another plate over the head?" the drummer moaned.

* * *

Azusa paced the floor, frowning. "Something still doesn't add up here."

"Oh?"

"About this reputation of ours, I mean. Isn't it a bit strange that everyone has the same wrong idea?"

"Rumours can spread very fast," said Tsumugi. "Remember in second year, when everybody thought Yui's friend Nodoka was dating the prime minister?"

"She _was_."

Tsumugi shrugged. "Rumours can be true."

"The idea must have come from _somewhere_," pondered Azusa. "The fact that we're all girls wouldn't be enough. It certainly wasn't Mio's lyrics... they're all about household objects."

"And sometimes food."

"So what made people think we're a lesbian band? Our playing style? Our outfits?"

"Ah! The outfits. I should sort them." Tsumugi paused her mental slideshow of last night's concert and headed for the closet.

"I guess I'll go through those sites again," sighed Azusa. As she sat down, her eyes fell on their girly costumes from last night. She felt an odd suspicion start to poke at the edge of her mind.

_Nah..._

* * *

"And because I run the harem, you have to do everything I say!"

"I'm changing the subject now," said Ritsu. "How are you three getting along in one room?"

"Great! Mugi's very clean."

"Oookay... and Azusa?"

"Oh, she's, uh... well..."

"That boring, huh?"

Yui frowned. "I love Azu-nyan."

"It's okay, Yui. You're older than she is. You're allowed to have different interests."

"I love Azu-nyan," she repeated. After a moment, she blushed slightly and asked, "But can I come to the bar with you tonight?"

Ritsu considered. "Sure. Well, maybe not _with_ me. You might step on my groove."

"I have my own groove to step on!" protested Yui.

All around them, hair tumbled to the floor.

* * *

"Hello San Francisco!" shouted Mio. "We're After-School Tea Time and WE LIKE BOYS!"

The crowd cheered tentatively.

"We like boys so much that we're tired of not having any on stage with us!" Mio gave the signal and two spotlights came on...

...revealing Yui and Ritsu in boys' clothes, with their hair freshly cut short.

"So they'll be honourary boys for the night! Let's hear it for Yuu and Rikku!"

The crowd shouted with delight. Now they understood.

Yui grinned. "GRRR! I'm a boy!"

"That's a _bear_," said Azusa.

"Oh. What sound do boys make?"

A flash of light from the stage startled the crowd. As they blinked, Tsumugi slipped her camera back into her pocket. So far, so good. She had brought five memory cards tonight and she intended to fill them _all_.

Someone in the crowd called out, "Do 'Fluffy Fluffy Time'!"

"Not tonight!" answered Mio. "We like boys so much that all our songs tonight are about liking boys! Let's do it, Rikku!" (That last line seemed to particularly thrill the crowd.)

Muttering "I can't believe I agreed to this," Ritsu started drumming. Her bandmates joined in. The crowd was surprised; this sure _sounded_ like 'Fluffy Fluffy Time'. Then Mio began to sing...

"Every time I see you it's macho macho time!"

The roof blew clear off.

* * *

**Next: Puttin' On the Ritsu**


	4. Pendulum Swinger

Mio slumped into a chair backstage, exhausted but satisfied. "I think we've finally done it," she said.

"We've definitely done _something_," Azusa replied.

"I like being a boy!" exclaimed Yui. "Big hands are so much better for holding the strings down!"

Azusa sighed. "For the last time, you haven't actually turned male."

"Are you calling me _unmanly?_" she thundered. "Ha! Watch me lift these boxes!"

Even the strongest believer in free will would have admitted that the events of the next few seconds - namely Yui doing several hundred dollars of property damage and bruising her behind - were predestined and unavoidable.

Tsumugi returned from the coat locker holding a headband. "Here you go, Ricchan."

"Thanks!" Ritsu slapped it back on her head. "That feels better. I don't know about Yui, but _I'm_ all woman."

Mio burst out laughing.

"Hey!" yelled Ritsu. "Exactly what's so funny?"

"Sorry... it's just... all woman..."

"Stop laughing at that!"

Mio wiped a tear from her eye. "You wanted to be a yakuza enforcer when you grew up!"

"_Or_ a football player. But that was in kindergarten!"

"Two of our middle school teachers thought you were a boy who had snuck in!"

"Ugh. But that's still the past!"

"You barely had to get your hair cut any shorter for this!"

"Short hair is the _essence_ of cute!"

Mio doubled over with laughter. Ritsu threw a drumstick at her.

Azusa smiled at the familiar scene, but frustration lay beneath. She'd been checking the livebloggers on her cell phone. Now that Mio was finally feeling better, she was not looking forward to breaking the news that -

"Oh wow! It's really you!"

Everyone turned. Two American girls, clearly concertgoers, had just walked in.

"Uh, hi," said Mio. "Can we help you find something?"

"We're here to see _you_!" said one of the girls. "We have backstage passes!"

Ritsu blinked. "You do?"

The girls whipped out their passes. Tsumugi took a quick look and nodded.

Azusa spun on Ritsu. "You told me we weren't selling backstage passes on this tour! Americans! _Guns_!"

"It wasn't me!" the drummer protested.

"Then who was it? Huh?"

After a moment of silence, Yui sheepishly raised her hand.

"_Yui?_"

"It was just these two," she said. "I needed a little extra money."

"For what?"

"You know those learn-while-you-sleep tapes? I found one that teaches you how to snap your fingers! Look!" She flicked two fingers together to produce a sound that might generously have been described as a snip.

Azusa sighed deeply. "Right."

"Nothing we can do about it now," said Mio. "Ritsu?"

"Gotcha." Turning to the newcomers, Ritsu began her usual English spiel. "Greetings! We are After-School Tea Time! We welcome you to this backstage gathering!"

"Thanks!" said the first girl. "We're your biggest fans!"

Mio smiled; she liked being appreciated, especially in a non-stalkery way. "Pleased to meet you," she said, extending a hand. "What are your names?"

The first girl shook her hand eagerly. "I'm Lil and this is my girlfriend Rai!"

Mio's hand went limp in mid-shake.

"You've been such an inspiration to us!" continued Lil. "We were so afraid to go public, but then we discovered your music!"

Rai hugged Mio. "It means so much knowing you're out there making a statement!"

"W...what statement?"

"Like you need to ask!" said Rai, releasing her. "You're up on stage with _your_ girlfriend every night in public!"

"G... g... girlfriend?"

The girls exchanged a glance. "Ritsu, of course," said Lil.

A brief battle was waged in Ritsu's mind. She decided it was no contest: the weirdness and embarrassment were no match for the fun of watching Mio's reactions. She threw an arm around her friend. "Isn't that great, sweetie? Yuri girls _all over the world_ see you as their model!"

For one long moment, Mio was perfectly still, and the air around her vibrated with the sound a bomb makes just before it goes off.

Then -

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_"

Mio thrashed out wildly, knocking Ritsu right over. In a full-scale panic, she grabbed her bass case and swung it with both arms. The guests ducked it just in time. As it passed over their heads, Mio lost her grip; the bass flew into the pile of boxes, finishing the job Yui had started.

Mio didn't notice. She was too busy hyperventilating. Her fight-or-flight instinct flipped around; half-blind in a haze of tears, she ran for the exit, nearly knocking Tsumugi over on the way. As she disappeared through the door, she shouted to the guests: "_I have to write songs! Sorry!_ NICE MEETING YOU!"

As the dust settled, Azusa almost laughed. That had definitely been Mio's _politest_ panic attack. A woman of Japan did not embarrass her country abroad.

Ritsu picked herself up, as did the guests, who were wide-eyed with shock and fascination. "So it's true," whispered Rai. "She _does_ flip out."

Lil nodded. "Big time. I didn't know she was so violent about it."

Azusa rolled her eyes. "She usually isn't. She's just, uh... stressed right now."

"Mio is a very hard worker," Tsumugi chipped in. "When inspiration strikes, she has to write right away."

Lil raised an eyebrow. "And throw her bass?"

"She likes The Who," said Ritsu. "Are you two okay?"

Rai squealed. "Better than okay! Now we have a great story to post on the site!"

Ritsu and Azusa traded a look. "The site?"

"Gay-on dot com!"

Azusa facepalmed. Yui turned to her and whispered, "What's a gay-on?"

"It's a joke on 'keion'."

"Ohhhh," said Yui. Several moments passed, and then she asked, "What's a K-on?"

Ritsu started pushing the guests toward the door. "This concludes the tour. Thank you for flying -"

"Wait," said Azusa. "I want to ask them a few things."

Leaning in close to her, Ritsu whispered, "Will you be okay? I don't know about you, but I'm almost out of English."

"I'll manage."

Ritsu turned back to the girls. "Never mind. You can stay with Azusa while we clean up. But -" (lowering her voice) "- she's a bit nervous, so don't take your guns out, okay?"

Lil looked down at her chest, confused.

While Ritsu helped Yui and Tsumugi clean up the aftermath of Hurricane Mio, Azusa led the guests into the hallway. "Sorry about all that," she said to them. "Nice to meet you."

"It's an honour!" exclaimed Rai, shaking her hand. "You're Yui's favourite!"

"...Yes. Can I ask you two a few questions?"

"Sure!"

Azusa smiled. Time to get to the bottom of this thing. "Tell me... what was your first clue that we were a gay band?"

* * *

**Next: Sex, Lies, and Videophones**

A/N: Turns out this'll be more like 8 chapters. (The parts were too uneven as I'd originally divided them.)


	5. Three Hits

Evening was turning to night, and Mio was turning to despair.

She'd recovered shortly after getting back to her hotel room (but not before another stairathon... she'd be feeling that tomorrow). In the hours since then, she'd been wracking her traumatized brain for song ideas, but all she had was a blank page.

Hmm... blank page... something about paper...?

"There's no point!" she yelled, crumpling up the page. No matter what she wrote, no matter how innocent the subject, their "fans" would find a way to twist it. They were like conspiracy theorists. Show them a verified, authentic picture of the moon landing, and they would use it to prove the moon was a lesbian.

Mio slumped on the desk. _What am I going to do?_

A familiar ringtone interrupted her depression. She found where she'd tossed her phone on the way in and opened it up. "Hi, Yui."

_"Hi! Feeling better?"_

"Not much."

_"Great!" _She wasn't listening... big surprise. _"Is Ricchan with you?"_

The name clenched Mio's fist. "She hasn't been back here."

_"Yeah, I didn't think so. She said you were probably going to cram her drumsticks down her throat."_

"Sideways."

Yui giggled. _"Do you know where I can find her?"_

"You have to ask?" said Mio, rolling her eyes. "She's spent more time drinking than drumming on this trip."

_"Awww! That's mean, Ricchan! You said you'd take me with you tonight!"_

Mio raised an eyebrow. "If you really want to find her, I'll tell you where the bar is. Maybe you can do me a little favour too..."

* * *

"It's nice to indulge once in a while, don't you think?" asked Tsumugi.

Her dinner guests, Lil and Rai, didn't answer – they were stuffing their faces. To say they'd never eaten like this before would be an understatement. Each plate of the four-course meal on the table cost more than they earned in a month.

Tsumugi smiled; nothing pleased her more than pleasing others. Her father's incredibly diverse stock portfolio included restaurants in major cities all over the world. It would have been a waste not to visit his San Francisco choice – Chez Prestissimo, a revolving restaurant that took great pride in its five-star rating.

"More water, please," she said, and no less than five waiters perked up immediately. The one who got there first took her glass and refilled it. The second checked if she needed anything else (she didn't), the third asked how her yakisoba was (fine, thank you), and the others kept a close watch. This wait staff's big-tipper sense was well tuned.

Tsumugi, however, only had eyes for her guests. She gazed upon them with infinite benevolence and satisfaction like some blonde Buddha.

"Growing up is a difficult thing," she mused in a faraway tone. "Many of the joys of high school have to be left behind. We have a term for it in Japan. I don't know if you do here... does Class S ring a bell?"

Lil, still chowing down, shook her head.

"And I accept that. A woman must put away childish things." Tsumugi looked across the table and sighed in contentment. "But sometimes... just once in a long while... isn't it wonderful to reconnect with an interest you've nearly forgotten?"

The girls nodded, though they weren't sure what she meant. Rai added, for the third time, "This food is _amazing_."

"We can't thank you enough," agreed Lil. "Is there any way we can repay you?"

Tsumugi's eyes went wide as Rai took a big drink from Lil's straw.

"No need," she said breathlessly. "Just keep being yourselves."

* * *

Ritsu had found her target. Young, American, definitely hot... and all by himself. This would be a piece of cake.

She grabbed a seat at the bar next to him and then watched carefully. As expected, it only took him a moment to sneak a look at the newcomer. She winked at him. Now she'd established contact, but he'd technically made the first move by looking. _Advantage: Ritsu!_

Time for Phase 2. She turned her head away, muffled her voice a bit, and shouted "Hey, isn't that the drummer for After-School Tea Time?"

It only took the fangirls a few seconds to gather. "It's her!" "Ritsu! Ritsu Tainaka!" "Let's get an autograph!"

Ritsu chuckled at the assembled masses. "Well hi! That's right, I'm Ritsu!"

"You rock!" shouted one girl. "You're the greatest drummer since John Lennon!"

"Uh, thanks."

"Is Mio with you?" asked another.

_Showtime._ "Nah," said Ritsu. "I left her in our hotel room. She was tired out."

It was like tossing a lit match into a gas tank. The fangirls became a hooting, catcalling ball of ecstasy. Ritsu grinned. _Just as planned._

"How long have you two been together?" asked one girl.

"Oh, pretty much always. I haven't been able to keep her hands off me since middle school."

"Where did you first do it?"

Ritsu winked. "A lady doesn't tell."

"Does Azusa try to compete with you?"

"All the _time_. I have to fight her away from Mio with a stick."

The questions started coming faster. "Does Tsumugi pick sides?" "Which one of you is dating Ms. Yamanaka?" "Orgies! Tell us about the orgies!"

Ritsu raised a hand. "People! There are enough orgies for everyone. But I can't keep answering your questions without beer to fuel me! First beer equals first question!"

The crowd immediately mobbed the nearest bartender. With them distracted for a moment, Ritsu leaned back against the bar and looked at her target, who had been doing a bad job of pretending not to listen. She struck her best sexy pose and tapped him on the arm.

"So," she said, "think you're enough man to straighten me out?"

As he was opening his mouth to reply – or maybe just gaping, Ritsu wasn't sure – the crowd suddenly got twice as loud, shouting one name in particular. Ritsu heard the name shortly before she saw the person it belonged to. "Yui?"

"Hi Ricchan! This place is neat!"

A memory from earlier in the day clicked into place. "Ack! Sorry, Yui. I forgot to bring you."

"It's okay. Who's the guy?"

A memory from right now clicked into place. Ritsu yanked Yui to one side. "Go away go away GO AWAY."

"Go away three times?"

"Six! Just go mingle or something! I'm trying to put the moves on this guy!"

"Oh!" Yui's face lit up with a realization. "Are you taking advantage of our false reputation to appeal to boys, Ricchan?"

"Uh... maybe a little."

"Okay. Then I have a message for you."

Ritsu nervously glanced at her prospective date. She turned back just in time to see Yui's fist hit her forehead.

"OWWWW!" Drummer and barstool hit the floor in an ignominous pile. "What gives?"

"That was from Mio." _Figures. Those didn't sound like words Yui would use on her own._ The guitarist winced and gave her hand a shake. "She didn't tell me it would hurt. Ouch!"

"Yeah, hurt _me_ a bit too," muttered Ritsu, picking herself up. "Will you get gone now?"

"But I just got – hey!"

A huge bouncer had grabbed Yui from behind. "We're going to have to ask you to leave, ma'am," he said.

"That's not fair! I didn't hit her, Mio did!"

The bouncer dragged Yui to the door. Cameras flashed – the ATT fangirls were clearly going to have pictures of this incident all over the web by morning. Yui kept protesting all the way: "You can't do this! I'm a rock star! From Japan! I have diplomatic immunity! _I know the prime minister's wife!_"

Ritsu turned around to see her target boy putting his coat on. "Hey! Where ya goin'?"

"Uh... sorry," he said. "I'm not really available. See, when I was a kid, I knew this girl. Our families had set up an arranged marriage for us and we got really close. I've broken away from my folks, so technically the engagement's off, but I know that girl is still out there somewhere. We'll find each other again someday, and I have to do my best until then."

Ritsu's eyes went wide. "Wow. Really?"

"No. You just freak me out."

He left. She slumped. A moment later, a beer appeared on the counter; she sat up and held it against her sore forehead. "Thanks."

"I'm first!" said the fangirl who had brought the drink. "I get a question, right?"

"Sure."

"Is Mio's love really a stapler?"

"Yeah," Ritsu muttered. "It hurts."

* * *

**Next: War of the Lilies**

(Meanwhile, why not vote in my poll?)


	6. Secure Yourself

Dinner was finished, and the girls had to head home. Tsumugi had offered to pay for a cab ride, and Lil had gratefully accepted; Rai, who lived very close to the restaurant, had opted to walk instead. The three of them were at the curb saying their goodbyes.

"It's been awesome, Tsumugi," said Rai. "Thanks so much!"

"Think nothing of it," she said. Her hands were clasped in front of her chest; she seemed tense, as if expecting something big.

"So, uh... goodnight."

"Goodnight. Don't forget to say goodnight to Lil!"

"Right." She turned to her girlfriend. "Call you tomorrow, babe."

"You know it." They hugged, then separated.

Rai was already turning around when she felt Tsumugi gripping her upper arm. "It's okay!" she said. "Don't be shy! You two can be affectionate in front of me!"

"You're... you're hurting my arm..."

"Sorry." Tsumugi let go.

Rai looked at Lil. She shrugged, and the two of them kissed.

Tsumugi's eyes went wide.

Wider.

And after a moment... her smile faded.

* * *

Mio didn't turn around when she heard the door open. She just asked, "Did you get my message?"

Ritsu – tired, bummed out, sore from Yui's punch, and not nearly as drunk as she'd hoped to be – glared at her. "_Yes._ Thank you so much for that."

"Glad to be of service."

The drummer collapsed on the bed to recover. A short time passed in silence.

"Hey," she said finally. "You could talk, y'know."

"Quiet. I'm trying to concentrate."

Ritsu looked up; she hadn't noticed what Mio was up to. "Huh. You really are writing more songs."

"I only have one more concert to fix our image. This is really important. Don't distract me."

No answer. This surprised Mio, who'd been expecting resistance, so she turned around... to see Ritsu right behind her, reading over her shoulder. "Hey!"

" 'NO, Thank You'? Are you just talking directly to the fans now?"

"Stop reading! It's not finished!" Mio grabbed the sheet and stuffed it in a drawer.

Ritsu, of course, immediately started reading the sheet underneath. " 'I want a guy with short shorts and —' "

"Hey!" Mio grabbed the second sheet too.

" 'I like big boys and I cannot —' "

"Arrgh!" This time Mio crammed all her papers in the drawer. She pointed at the blank desk top. "There! Read that!"

"It says 'Mio is a total spaz.' "

"Go away and let me write. I'm in no mood for this."

Ritsu retreated to the bed and dug out her 3DS. She'd known Mio would be unreliable as a source of entertainment and had planned accordingly.

After an hour or so, she began to hear grumbling. She looked up from her game to see the bassist clutching her head, clearly struggling. She wrote a bit more, but then crumpled up the paper and threw it away.

A minute later, she started a new page and seemed to be doing okay, so Ritsu turned back to her game. This time it was just a few minutes before the grumbling started again. Mio crossed out one line after another. Finally, she yelled and threw her pen across the room.

"Whoa," said Ritsu. "Take it easy."

"It's just so _hard_! And I shouldn't even have to do it! Why is this happening to us?"

Ritsu stood up and came closer. She could see where this was going.

"It's not fair!" continued Mio. "It's not _right_! This should have been a perfect trip! We would've played all our favourite songs and had fun in the daytime! Instead, I've wasted hour after hour trying to write _something_ that'll... that'll..."

"Take a deep breath. You're gonna hyperventilate again."

"It's not our fault, Ritsu! We don't deserve this! It's NOT FAIR!"

Mio burst out sobbing. Ritsu stretched out her arms, and her friend immediately launched into the hug, clinging to her like a shipwrecked sailor to a rock.

"All those times they called us a Japanese Tegan and Sara!" she wailed. "I just took it as a compliment to our guitar work!"

Ritsu patted Mio's back. "I know."

"Why did we even _do_ a photo spread for _Out_ magazine?"

"It's okay. Let it all come."

This went on for a long while, Mio occasionally adding another line to her rant, but mostly just releasing the tears that had been building up for the whole trip. All her stress, all her anger flowed out as Ritsu held her tight.

The drummer, for her part, was unaccustomed to being serious for so long. Normally this wouldn't have been a problem; comforting Mio was more important. But with several drinks still swimming around in her bloodstream, Ritsu's mind was starting to wander a bit.

Gradually, Mio's sobs gave way to quiet whimpering. "Thank you, Ritsu," she said after a while. "I really needed that."

"No problem."

She sighed. "I'm so mean to you sometimes. I don't know why you put up with me."

"Hey." Ritsu grabbed Mio's shoulders and held her at arm's length to look her in the eye. "I will _always_ be here for you. We're best friends. Don't you ever doubt it."

Mio wiped away fresh tears. "I don't deserve you."

"Yeah, ya do."

The girls stared into each other's eyes. Mio was overcome with emotion. She'd never been so glad to have her friend with her.

And somewhere in Ritsu's brain, the alcohol took control, whispering _You know what'd be really funny?_

Before she knew what she was doing, she started pulling Mio closer. The bassist's eyes went wide. "Ritsu, what are you –?"

"Shh," she said, and tightened her grip.

Mio's brain was saying something, but she couldn't hear it; in her state of catharsis, this moment was too powerful for her to fight. She went limp. Her eyes closed.

For one eternal moment, the girls' faces gradually drew closer together.

And then Ritsu snorted.

Mio stared in disbelief. "What?"

"Heh," snickered Ritsu. "_That's_ what our stupid fangirls think we're doing all the time? Freaky."

Slowly, Mio's eyes narrowed to slits as reality dawned on her.

"You were good. I almost believed you were into it."

"Ritsu..."

The next thing the drummer saw was the opposite wall of the room.

"Ow!" She rolled over. "What was that f–"

Mio's chair slammed into her midsection, knocking the wind out of her. She hit the floor again, gasping.

"H... holy..." she panted. "Were you _really_ into –"

"_DIE!_" screamed Mio, whaling on Ritsu with the chair.

"Hey –! Oww –! But I didn't –!" Each of Ritsu's protests was immediately interrupted with a blow, or several.

Eventually Mio had enough, which was just as well because the chair was falling apart. She threw it away and turned her back on Ritsu. "Get out!"

"Where am I supposed to –"

"OUT!"

The bruised drummer got to her feet and staggered toward the door. "I'm sorry, Mio. It was just a –"

"_OUT!_" Mio hurled the chair after Ritsu. She scooted through the door just in time.

Alone now, Mio curled up on the floor. Her brain was completely broken; she had no idea what she was feeling. Her only recourse was escape. She would deal with this latest disaster in the morning, after a few hours of shell-shock.

She just barely registered the sound of another "sorry" through the door, followed by muttering about hell having no fury.

* * *

In Japan, it was already late afternoon, and Sawako Yamanaka, another long school day behind her, was out for tea with friends.

"Of course I wish I could've gone with them," she was explaining. "But they're big girls now, and they know my teaching has to take priority. Besides, America is so _last_ century, don't you think?" All three women chuckled.

"I would never go there," said Dera. "All those guns! Did you know they issue one to each new baby?"

Norimi lowered her voice. "You remember when I was dating Kenta..."

"The police officer?"

"Yes... Well, he let me hold his gun once. I felt like I could go take anything I wanted!"

A moment passed in silent awe. Then Sawako smirked. "Some deadly titans of heavy metal we are."

"Oh, Sawako, that was 15 years ago," said Dera with a smile. "We're proper ladies now. Everybody settles down someday."

"So hurry up and settle down, Sawako," grinned Norimi.

The teacher glared. "I don't see a ring on _your_ finger either, smartass."

Norimi was about to reply when a ringtone went off. "Mine," said Sawako apologetically. "It's probably nothing important. I'll just leave it."

They resumed their conversation. After several rings, the phone stopped... only to make a different noise a minute later. The teacher sighed. "A text message this time. I should probably check."

She did. The message was from Azusa, and it read _Call back. NOW. I don't care what you're doing._

Sawako blinked. Rudeness? From _Azusa_? The girl who had kept calling her "Teacher" for three years after graduation?

"I'm so sorry," Sawako told her friends. "This is something important after all. Please excuse me for a minute."

By the time Sawako was around the corner of the washroom area, her phone was already ringing again. She picked it up, annoyed. "What do you want, Azusa? You're being pretty –"

_"SHUT UP!"_

Stunned, Sawako obeyed.

_"You don't get to talk after what you did! I can't believe it!"_

"Wh-what I did?"

_"We'd hardly landed in America when we found out the whole world thinks we're a gay band!"_

Uh oh. "How... strange. And what does that have to do with me?"

_"Don't you play dumb! It all started with YOU!"_

"What? How can you accuse me of such a thing?"

_"Oh, it's easy. You know what first tipped me off? The fans weren't getting it from anything we SAID, or from our songs, so that just left our image. And YOU have been handling our image from day one!"_

"Now hold –"

_"So I did a little research. Turns out the fans first got the idea from our costumes. Remember when Mugi and I noticed how you kept putting rainbows and pink triangles on them, and you said that was just your personal signature? Personal, my ASS!"_

"But –"

_"And then you started doing interviews with just the right magazines! Music magazines with lots of gay readers and NO JAPANESE EDITIONS!"_

"Maybe they misunderstood my –"

_"You said 'They're all lesbians!' Those exact words! You said the H in HTT was for Homosexual! In one interview you just went 'gay gay gay gay gay' for six minutes!"_

"That was –"

_"How COULD you? We trusted you, and you were telling lies the whole time! We had to find out from strangers! Mio is an absolute WRECK!"_

"Okay, that does it. You listen to me and listen _good_, you little squirt."

_"...Did you just take off your glasses, Manager?"_

She had. "Do you know how many new bands get started every year? Hundreds in Japan alone. They _all_ have big dreams. They all write 'Budokan' in big letters on their whiteboards. How many of them do you think ever get there?

"You girls had real talent. I could see it from the start. I didn't want you to break up and drift apart after high school – or stay together but never get anywhere. I know too many bands who still play their home towns after ten years. They've got the drive, and so do you, but that's not enough.

"What you needed was a _gimmick_. You needed a small pond where you could be big fish.

"So yeah, I told the world you were lesbians. And right away, that made you _niche_. Didn't your success ever make you suspicious? The number ones, the album sales, the theme song gig for _Neo Strawberry Panic_? For God's sake, you were a hit even back when you thought Yui could sing!

"I was the adult. I made a choice that was in your best interest. The mainstream music industry chews up girls like you and spits them out. Be mad all you want, but you owe your success to _me_."

The other end of the phone was silent for a minute. Sawako smirked; clearly her words were sinking in.

Finally, Azusa asked, _"How long have you been rehearsing that speech?"_

"Hey! Are you calling me a liar?"

_"No. Well, yes, that's the reason I called, but not about this. I believe your story. It just sounded very polished."_

"...Well, I knew this day would come sooner or later. Though I wasn't really expecting the outrage to come from _you_..."

_"You lied to the whole world about us. I don't want success if that's how we get it. I believe you meant well... mostly... but I still can't forgive you yet."_

"Yet?"

_"Oh, we'll talk."_

Great. "How are the other girls taking it?"

_"Yui and Mugi seem okay. I'm not sure what Ritsu's up to. But do I even need to say what this is doing to Mio? She's had one panic attack after another, and it's getting worse."_

"Don't worry about it. That girl's life is one continuous panic attack."

_"Gee, I'm glad you can joke about this. WE have to carry out her crazy plans."_

"Yes, I was reading about that latest concert. How did Yui and Ritsu get a sex change on such short notice?"

Sawako could hear Azusa glaring at her. _"Look, I've decided not to tell the others what you did. It's not some favour to you – I just don't think Mio could handle it. You know, what with the COMPLETE BETRAYAL and all."_

The teacher had never sighed with quite so much relief. "Thank you."

_"Don't get too comfortable. They could figure it out on their own any time."_

Sawako was willing to take that bet, especially in Yui's case, but she kept that to herself.

_"And one more thing."_

"Yes?"

_"You're paying me back for this call. International costs a fortune."_ And the guitarist hung up on her before she could say another word.

* * *

In the hotel room, Azusa sighed deeply. She had never exactly _admired_ Ms. Yamanaka, but this discovery had still been deeply upsetting. Teachers were supposed to be... well, a lot of things that Sawako was only good at faking, but "trustworthy" was pretty high on that list. She toyed with the thought of making a more personal long-distance call and charging that to Sawako too. But you don't answer dishonesty with dishonesty, and besides, she'd be going home in just –

The door beeped and a very upset Yui burst in. "Azu-nyan! Azu-nyaaaaan!"

"Where have _you_ been?"

"They kicked me out of the bar! I didn't get a single drink!"

_Oh, thank God._ "That's too bad."

Yui grabbed onto Azusa like a hug pillow, sniffling. "I wanted to have fun!"

"Why did they kick you out?"

"Mio hit Ricchan!"

Azusa raised an eyebrow. "And they blamed you?"

"Yeah! That big guy said 'just following orders' only works for Nazis!"

About five different problems with that statement mingled in Azusa's mind. Before she could say anything, though, the door beeped again. This time Tsumugi slumped inside.

"Hi, Mugi," said Azusa. "Yikes. Did someone run over your dog?" _Wait, do rich people have dogs or something better?_

"It didn't work," said Tsumugi, slowly drifting further into the room.

"What?"

"It doesn't work for me in person. All this time... what was I dreaming of? What was I so happy about?"

Azusa struggled for words. How do you comfort someone you don't really understand? "Uh... sometimes reality doesn't match up to our hopes. That doesn't mean the hope was wasted. Your happiness has always made the rest of us very happy too."

Tsumugi melted. "Thank you so much, Azusa."

"No problem."

After a brief pause, Azusa noticed Tsumugi staring at her and Yui like a lost kitten. She sighed and stretched out her other arm. "C'mere."

The rich girl gratefully accepted, curling up at Azusa's side. The three girls sat together peacefully for a while.

It couldn't last, of course. Yui started shifting position, apparently unable to get comfortable. "Stop it, Mugi," she said. "You're hogging all the Azu-nyan."

"I am?"

"I had this one first! Get your own!"

Tsumugi blinked. "What do I do?" she asked Azusa.

"You realize this is Yui sober, and you thank God she didn't get any beer tonight," Azusa muttered.

Yui pouted. "That's mean, Azu-nyan." But she showed no sign of releasing the younger girl.

Tsumugi tried to settle back down against Azusa. Yui batted her away like a cat. As this continued, the door beeped a third time, granting access to a weary and depressed-looking Ritsu.

"I, uh, screwed up," she said. "Do you guys have a couch or someth– oh, hey, that's some quality group hugging you've got there. Room for one more?"

Azusa sighed heavily. This would be a long night.

* * *

**Next: Last Chance to Get It Straight**

(A/N: Two more to go! Stay tuned, and vote in my poll! ...Also, since people have been asking about this, Ritsu's fine. It was a crummy chair.)


	7. Closer to Fine

On the final day of After-School Tea Time's San Francisco tour, the afternoon saw Yui, Ritsu, Tsumugi, and Azusa in one last practice session before the grand finale.

It was going as well as could be expected. Something was missing, and it wasn't just the bass line and lead vocals. The girls were playing just fine; after five years, they knew what they were doing. But emotionally, spiritually, they were drained.

They got through their usual numbers without incident, but silence fell when they finished playing. There was an awkwardness between them that this group had never felt before. No one quite knew what to say.

"Once more for each?" suggested Azusa halfheartedly.

Ritsu sighed. "What's the point? _We're_ ready. We've done all we can without knowing Mio's plans, and who knows what _those_ will be."

"If she comes," said Tsumugi sadly.

Yui was on the brink of tears. She couldn't stand seeing her friends like this. In the past, whenever one of them had a problem, the rest would always come together to help. But what could Yui do alone against this hollow feeling that was pervading the whole group?

"Let's at least go over 'Girl Thing' again in case she wants to use it," Azusa proposed. "Does anyone remember the words?"

"I do," said Yui. The others looked at her skeptically. "What? I used to do vocals."

"You forgot them," Ritsu reminded her. "Constantly. Sometimes you'd forget the chorus again after every verse."

"Give me a chance!"

The drummer asked the other two, "You game?" They nodded, so she raised her drumsticks and counted them in. They started to play, watching Yui closely.

She came in right on time. "Girls girls GIRLS! Girls! Uh, girls girls! Girly girl-girl girls!"

Ritsu chucked a drumstick at her.

"Sorry. I guess I don't remember the rest."

"It's called GIRL THING! You couldn't even get the second _word_ in there?"

A creaking sound instantly brought the fight to a dead stop. All four girls turned to the door as Mio slowly entered the room. She looked like the walking wounded – beaten, battered, but unbowed.

"Mio," said Azusa. "We... we missed you at lunch."

"Sorry. I ate by myself," she said, waving an empty paper bag. "I had to think. But I'm ready now. I need to say..."

She trailed off. Her eyes had fallen on Ritsu, who was doing her best to smile innocently.

"No," she said. "One thing first."

* * *

"I'm not okay with this," said Ritsu through the paper bag.

Mio glared. "When I see your face, I can't think of anything but killing you. This bag will let me concentrate. The eye holes are a concession, so be grateful."

"It smells like fried oysters in here."

"Well _maybe you should have THOUGHT of that BEFORE you –_" Mio paused to get a grip. "Sorry, everyone. I'm fine."

Yui whispered to the others, "I think something happened between them." Tsumugi nodded; Azusa rolled her eyes. That much was obvious. She was desperate to know the specifics, but she had a feeling she never would.

"Listen," said Mio. "I owe you all an apology. I haven't been acting like myself these past few days."

Her bandmates were tactfully silent. They all had to suppress the same reply: _Actually, you've been acting EXACTLY like yourself._

"We found out something that was really upsetting, but you four were able to handle it. I overreacted and just made everything worse. Please forgive me."

"Always," said Tsumugi gently, and the others nodded.

"Thank you." Mio let out a breath, relieved. "Now, this concert is the last before we go back. We need to make it a great one."

Hesitantly, Azusa asked the question that was on everyone's lips: "What's the plan this time?"

The bassist shook her head. "No plan. No gimmicks. I finally know what to do now. There's only one way to end this."

"Fog machine!" shouted Yui. "Lasers! Fog machine AND lasers!"

"Not quite," said Mio.

* * *

The turnout for the first three nights had been impressive, but the final night's crowd put them all to shame. After-School Tea Time had gone from a foreign curiosity to an absolute must-see. Tonight it was standing room only; the beer flowed like water and the fans continually jostled for position.

It was muggy. It was cramped. It was uncomfortable. But not one person in the crowd would have chosen to be anywhere else. This was music history in the making. This was not to be missed.

The waiting felt like an eternity. Half an hour past starting time, the curtain still hadn't gone up. But then –

_kssh kssh BAdadum BAdadum_

Drumming – and a set of round lights above the stage that flashed in time. Every self-respecting After-School Tea Time fan knew what was coming up. The curtain rose as the song began.

"Don't you tell me I'm lazy! Because I'm really crazy!"

Mio was singing her heart out. Yui and Azusa were on fire. Tsumugi, who'd been oddly off her game the last couple of nights, was back in top form. And _Ritsu_... her drumming had always been great, but tonight she was driving the sound forward with the force of a jet engine.

The girls weren't wearing costumes tonight – just casual clothes. And they weren't playing something new. But their first number one hit had never sounded this good.

As the final chord blasted, the crowd cheered for a solid three minutes. The girls waved and grinned, soaking it in. Mio turned to one side to catch her breath, and she made the quick gesture her fans had dubbed the "Mio maneuver" (no one was quite sure why she did it, but it involved tracing something on her palm with one finger and then pretending to eat it).

The bassist faced the crowd again. Pulling back the hood of her simple purple sweatshirt, she held up a hand and waited for silence.

"We didn't start with that song to send a message," she declared. "We didn't choose it to make a point. We chose it because it ROCKS!"

Another cheer went up. Smiling broadly, Mio waited for quiet again.

"Before we continue tonight, we need to tell you something," she announced. "It's very important that you listen to... um... do those signs say 'Free Yui'?"

"FREE YUI!" shouted one of the sign-holders.

"She just wanted a beer!" shouted another. "It's racism!"

They started chanting. "FREE YUI! FREE YUI! _FREE YUI!_"

"I'm fine!" said Yui. "Right here! See?"

Embarrassed silence. Looking sheepish, the chanters put their signs away.

Someone else called out, "Why is Ritsu wearing a paper bag?"

"That bag," said Mio, "is saving her life. Any more questions?"

Every other hand in the crowd went up. Mio slapped her forehead and said "Never mind. I need to tell you something, all right? This is really important."

The fans quieted down again. Mio gratefully took a deep breath, then began.

"When we came to America, we got a big surprise. It seems that outside Japan, everyone has a strange idea about us. Tonight we're going to fix that. What I'm going to say may upset you, but please listen."

Mio paused, struggling with her fear. But this was too important. She pushed through it.

"We're... we're not g-gay!"

A hush fell. It was all out in the open now. No going back.

"We're really not," she continued. "Sorry..."

Someone in the crowd asked, "You mean you're just Class S?"

Mio's eyes went wide. She spun on her bandmates and shouted in Japanese, "Who the hell told them about Class S?"

"Is it a secret?" asked Tsumugi meekly.

"It's none of their business! Japan is not a toy!"

Collecting herself, the bassist turned back to the crowd and switched back to English. "No, we are not Class S. Nothing like that. We're just a regular girl band that likes boys."

The crowd started to buzz. Nobody had seen this coming.

"I'm sorry!" cried Mio, struggling to hold down her panic. "We never meant to disappoint you! This... gay thing surprised us all! We have no idea where it came from!"

(Azusa twitched.)

"We're so glad to have all of you as fans! But you had to know the truth!"

The buzz quieted a bit. Taking heart, Mio continued.

"We couldn't just leave this rumour alone. Maybe some good has come of it, I don't know, but it was a lie. We just aren't that way. And even if every single person on Earth –"

"And space!" added Yui.

"...Yes," said Mio through gritted teeth. "Even if everyone on Earth _and in space_ thinks we're gay, it won't make us that way.

"But we are truly sorry. You've become our fans under false pretenses. We will understand if you hate us, and we will arrange a ticket refund for anyone who asks. We are so happy to have had you as listeners. Please... forgive us."

She gestured to her bandmates. They stood up, and in unison, all five girls bowed to the audience.

For the longest moment of Mio's life, there was total silence. And then...

"It's okay!" came a voice from the crowd.

"We love you anyway!" said another fan.

Like drops of rain, the voices came slowly at first, then faster, until they were a steady roar. No one demanded their money back. All the girls could hear was cheering. Sympathy. Support.

Mio didn't bother to fight her tears. "Thank you!" she cried. "Thank you all so much!"

Tsumugi and Yui, too, were crying. Azusa watched them and felt joy flow through her. She barely registered that the ovation was for her too. Only one thing mattered: the hardest trial After-School Tea Time had ever faced was finally over. Her friends were happy again.

Mio raised a hand. "Ritsu!"

"Y-yes?"

" 'Fluffy Fluffy Time'! _Classic_ version! Let's have some fun!"

Behind the bag, Ritsu grinned from ear to ear. She raised her drumsticks and called out, "One, two, three, four!"

After-School Tea Time played like they hadn't played since Budokan.

* * *

**Next: Leaving On a Jet Plane**

(A/N: It's not over yet, folks! Be here in two days for the grand finale, and if you haven't voted in my poll yet, you know what to do...)


	8. Back On the Bus, Y'all

The world gets smaller every day, but the Pacific Ocean is still wide. After-School Tea Time were in the air for nearly ten hours on their flight back from San Francisco. That didn't make much difference to them, though. After playing till 2 AM, doing three encores, and even making a special appearance at the afterparty (or "ho-kago party", as the fans insisted on calling it), the girls wouldn't have woken up if their plane had crashed into Mt. Fuji.

It didn't, of course. Only the finest pilots were trusted with Mr. Kotobuki's personal Lear jet – let alone his precious daughter. The plane landed so softly that the birds in the next lane didn't bother flying off.

Tsumugi's internal clock, trained over a lifetime of global tourism, nudged her awake. She roused her bandmates, and together they disembarked.

Ritsu took a deep, satisfying breath. "Ahhh! The air of Japan! We're home!" She was no longer wearing the paper bag – she hadn't dared ask Mio directly, but she'd removed it surreptitiously before the party, and taken Mio's silence as permission to keep it off.

"Whee! Japan!" Yui fell to the ground and kissed it.

"You'll make yourself sick doing that," scolded Ms. Sawako.

"Yeah. Sorry." She got back up... just in time to double-take with the rest of the band. "Sawa-chan! You're here!"

"Welcome back, girls!" Their former teacher smiled warmly. "I thought I'd meet you in case any of you need a ride home."

"Well, that's very nice of you," said Mio. "But I think we're all okay, right?" She glanced at the others, who nodded.

"I could take some of your things in my trunk..."

"No need," said Tsumugi. She gestured to the rear of the jet, where the roadies – more Kotobuki employees, of course – were busy loading the cargo into a van.

"Oh. I guess you've got everything under control."

"But hey!" interjected Azusa. "Since you're here, why don't we tell them right now?"

The teacher broke into a cold sweat. "Uh, tell them? I thought we weren't going -"

"That's right!" Azusa continued, moving next to her. "Ms. Sawako will be training me to be our new assistant manager!"

"...Um?"

Azusa gave her a big smile.

"Um... yes. Yes, I've decided to do that. That very thing."

The other four applauded. "Hooray for Azu-nyan!" shouted Yui.

"Well, I guess I'll, er, be on my way. Azusa, walk me to my car, would you?"

She did. As soon as they were safely out of earshot, Sawako hissed, "You're going to be _assistant manager?_"

"Oh-ho-ho no," laughed Azusa. "I'm going to be _manager_."

"WHAT?"

"From now on, you're just a figurehead. _I'm_ the power. We'll call it 'training' for a year or so, and then you'll get so _terribly_ busy with school that you'll give the manager job to me."

Sawako grabbed Azusa by the shoulders and death-glared her – clear through the glasses. "You little _worm_! Do you have the least idea how easily I could destroy you?"

"No doubt," she coolly replied. "But not before I told the others _everything_. You're losing your cash cow no matter what, but are you ready to lose your friends too?"

Sawako flinched.

"And in case you've forgotten, there are a few _laws_ against what you did. You're safe as long as none of us take action... but if we wanted to, we could go public and sue you any time. How many of Japan's best lawyers do you suppose Tsumugi's father has on retainer?"

She flinched again, harder.

"You know you feel guilty – that's why you came today. Just consider this your penance." Azusa smiled again. "And don't worry. I'll let you keep some meaningless, non-paying title. Senior Manager or something."

Sawako stared at the guitarist as if seeing her for the first time. Finally she said, "You always were an apt pupil, Azusa."

She winked. "Learned from the best. Now get out of my sight."

The teacher lowered her glasses, sending a clear message: _This isn't over._ But for now, she got in her car and drove away.

Azusa returned to the group just in time to see Tsumugi bowing to them. "You're off, Mugi?"

She pointed to a well-dressed man getting out of a limousine. "My butler has arrived."

"Right. Well, take care. We'll give you a call tomorrow."

"It has been a pleasure," she said, bowing again.

She turned around and headed for the limo. The butler, a longtime family servant, met her halfway. "Young Miss Kotobuki," he greeted her. "We are delighted to have you back. Was your trip satisfactory?"

"It was wonderful," she said. "I feel that I have taken another important step on the road to adulthood."

"Oh? Congratulations, then."

"I have learned that having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. Sometimes the dreams of youth, when finally achieved, do not bring the joy we always imagined they would."

The butler raised an eyebrow. "Then shall I finally inform your father that -"

"I have no intention of leaving rock music and getting a 'real job'."

He sighed. "As you wish."

The rest of the band watched Tsumugi leave. "I'm glad she's doing better," said Azusa. "I've been worried about her."

"Well, this was a pretty weird trip for all of us," Ritsu replied, getting a nod from Yui.

Mio shuddered and wrapped her arms around herself. "That's an understatement."

"Are you cold?" Yui asked.

She shook her head. "I'm getting chills just thinking about that rumour again. I've never been so freaked out in my life. Gay this, gay that... what a nightmare."

Yui whispered to Ritsu, "Was that a yes or a no?"

"I'm just so glad it's all over," Mio continued. "No more sick rumours. No more pervert fangirls. Maybe now we can get some _normal_ fans instead of... um..."

She trailed off, belatedly noticing that Azusa was giving her a strange look. "Uh, yes?"

"You know what, Mio?" she said. "I'm really glad this damn trip is over too."

Somehow, that comment and that look made Mio very uncomfortable. "What do you..."

Azusa ignored her and said to the others, "My ride's here. I'm going home now."

She walked off toward a car that had arrived during Mio's rant. The band members saw a familiar figure leaning against the driver-side door. "Hey, it's Jun," said Yui. "I forgot Azu-nyan was rooming with her."

Jun waved hello to Azusa. The two girls kissed, then got in the car and drove off.

There was a long, long silence on the tarmac.

"Hmm," said Yui.

"Yui..." asked Mio without moving, "is Azusa a lesbian?"

"Looks like. She might just be bi."

"...Every single thing I said on this trip was offensive to her, wasn't it?"

"You said a couple of things about the food that were probably okay."

Ritsu picked her jaw up off the floor. "No! I call bullhockey on this! No way would Azusa have gone through that whole mess with us and never mentioned that the rumour was TRUE!"

Yui shook her head. "It wasn't true. We're not a gay _band_. I guess Azu-nyan was upset for the rest of us, not herself."

"But still! I mean, seriously! Come ON!"

"Does... does she understand what she's doing?" asked Mio. "Does she know this could make her an outcast? Is she ready to lose jobs over it? Has she told her parents? She... she..."

Yui gave Mio a hug. "I'm worried too. But yeah, she knows those things. Our little Azu-nyan's a big girl now."

Mio didn't much want to hear that from Yui, but right now it didn't matter. She hugged back.

"Staged," muttered Ritsu. "Gotta be staged. I wouldn't put it past the little twerp."

Another car pulled up, this time one that all the girls knew right away. "Ui!" shouted Yui, releasing Mio.

Somehow, Ui was across the runway and hugging Yui before her car door was all the way open. Ritsu had long considered the possibility of selling Ui to science if money ever got tight.

"Big sister!" she exclaimed. "I was so worried!"

"Awww," said Yui. "I was fine."

"The paper said you got in a bar fight! Were you arrested? Did those American police rough you up?"

"Nah. I convinced them I wasn't really a Nazi."

Ui looked confused. "Was that on the table?"

"Ignore everything she says," whispered Ritsu. "We'll fill you in later."

The younger Hirasawa nodded. "We will be leaving, then. Thank you for taking care of my sister." With a polite bow, she walked off arm in arm with Yui.

"Turns out I have a harem!" continued the guitarist as they receded. "It's got three girls and one boy."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, Mio says Azu-nyan is a boy inside."

Ui chuckled. "I wondered when that would come to light."

"And Mugi lost her goggles. I think she has contacts now."

Listening, Mio and Ritsu grew increasingly nonplussed. "Azusa was right," remarked Ritsu. "It _is_ a good thing that girl didn't get any alcohol in her. She's too Yui as it is."

The Hirasawas drove away, leaving only Mio and Ritsu behind. Mio had parked her car here before they departed Japan; with no further business here, she began walking to it. Ritsu, who'd hitched a ride with her, followed – being careful to stay just behind Mio, not beside her.

"I think I may finish that song," mused Mio. " 'NO, Thank You', I mean. It's time we made a new video, and I think that song could work. Does that friend of yours still want to direct us?"

"Renge? Yeah, probably," said Ritsu. "Wait. Are you talking to me again?"

"I don't see anyone else here."

"Uh, good. It's just that you've been avoiding me since..."

Mio reached for the car door. "Since...?"

"You know," blushed Ritsu. "Since that thing happened."

For a moment, Mio held very still. Then she spun on Ritsu, eyes blazing, so fast the drummer jumped back.

"No," said Mio. "You listen. I'll _tell_ you what happened. NOTHING happened. Absolutely nothing. You never came back to our room that night. I worked on lyrics until I collapsed. You went to the other room, for reasons known only to yourself, and did whatever the rest of you like to waste your time on."

"Chinese checkers," muttered Ritsu, rolling her eyes. "Azusa is as exciting as a pop quiz."

"_Shut up!_ I'm not finished."

The drummer obeyed.

"I repeat: nothing happened. Furthermore, if anything HAD happened, it would NOT have meant anything. Because I would have been stressed and tired and emotionally vulnerable, and you, being a cruel, insensitive _monster_, not to mention _drunk off your ass_, would have chosen that moment to play a stupid joke. It would have been meaningless and unimportant. If it had happened."

"Uh, right."

Mio stabbed a finger at Ritsu. "_And moreover!_ If anything had happened, WHICH IT DIDN'T, and if that situation had _hypothetically_ gone any farther, it would have been a gigantic mistake that we would both have regretted forever. _If_ we'd even come close! Which we did NOT, and COULD not have because YOU WERE NEVER THERE!"

Ritsu felt three inches high. She managed to squeak out, "Th...that big a mistake?"

"HUGE!" screamed Mio. "The kind of mistake that leads to _suicides_ and _nuclear wars_ and _galaxies crashing together_! It would have been the worst mistake since NEVER, because no mistake in history would compare! And the only reason the very IDEA of this mistake isn't melting our brains is that it only exists in a hypothetical of a hypothetical, because it could only have happened if something that NEVER HAPPENED had happened! _WHICH IT DIDN'T!_"

By now Ritsu had actually fallen over. Mio paused to catch her breath.

"Because," she finished, "your friendship is the one thing I can't ever lose."

Ritsu stared. "M...Mio?"

"I can live without fans. Or with crazy ones. My reputation can be a disaster. If it comes to it, I can even give up music completely. I can lose my money, my things, my other friends. But I can't lose you, Ritsu. I don't know who I would be if I did."

The drummer was speechless.

"That's why it would have been such a terrible mistake. Because we're both straight, whatever any rumour says... so we could never have looked at each other the same way again. It would have broken the thing that's most precious to me."

"I understand," said Ritsu, her eyes getting misty.

Mio reached out a hand to help her up. "Now don't you ever, _ever_ make me talk like that again."

Ritsu got to her feet, and then surprised Mio with a hug. "Love ya," she said.

The bassist sighed and hugged back. "You too."

They took their seats in the car and began the drive home. "I'm sorry," said Ritsu. "I never meant to -"

"Didn't happen," Mio reminded her. "And anyway, you gave me the solution to our image problem, so let's call it even."

"I did?"

"You asked if I was talking directly to the audience now, remember?"

"Oh yeah. Heh, cool."

They drove on in silence for a while. This time it didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable. It was the silence of best friends.

"By the way..." said Ritsu.

"Yeah?"

"...'NO, Thank You' is a stupid name for a song."

"Hey. _You_ get to talk when you write a song that doesn't have robots or dinosaurs in it."

The silence returned for a while.

"So..."

"Yes?"

"Boys in short shorts, huh?"

"We're never discussing that again."

More silence.

"Mio..."

"Yeah?"

"Next time Yui goes 'Hmm', let's pretend we can't hear her."

**THE END**

* * *

(A/N: But not quite the last update! Be here on Friday for notes and omake.) 


	9. Afterword & Omake

**Afterword**

Man, this was _fun_. I've learned my lesson - multi-parting is definitely the way to go on FFN. Big thanks to all reviewers and readers.

As you've now seen, this wasn't exactly yuri. But it wasn't exactly yuri parody either. I consider it sort of a shot across the bow.

Thing is, although I generally dislike slash, what I really dislike is _lazy_ slash. (Sorry, Mio, I'm saying "lazy".) If you're gonna stick two same-sex characters together and not call it a PWP, you have to actually _face_ the fact that they're not gay in canon. There have to be consequences when you change that in your story. The K-ON! section of FFN is overwhelmingly dominated by yuri. That's not a huge surprise, since the only eligible bachelor is Ritsu's little brother... but there are four important things to remember.

One, whether we see them date or not, most people are straight. You've probably heard the famous "one person in ten is gay" statistic. That's actually way off, it's just been shouted so long people buy it; the real figure varies from 2 to 5 percent in most places. But even if it _were_ one in ten, the chance that, say, both Mio _and_ Ritsu were gay would be just 1 percent. The whole band, as seen in many yuri fics? 0.001 percent. If your story requires that big a leap, you'd better justify it... or write well enough to make up for it.

Two, even if you consider it a grave injustice, the fact is that gay relationships are not instantly approved of by everyone on Earth. Moreover, straight people who approve in principle are still likely to be somewhat freaked out in practice. Mio in my story isn't "homophobic" - she overreacts wildly, because she's Mio, but her feelings themselves are normal. The abnormal thing would be for _none_ of the characters to react that way.

Three, K-ON! is set in Japan. Man, if you think the western world isn't accepting and tolerant enough, don't move there. Yes, Japan is famous for all kinds of weird perversions in hentai and such, but that's the underbelly of their culture and they're not proud of it. Japanese society is very structured - the language reflects this - and judgmental of exceptions. If Mio and Ritsu got together, they would have an uphill battle ahead, especially after high school. (_In_ high school, girl/girl relationships are called "Class S" and are actually to some extent normal, but they're seen as a kind of practice; you're expected to outgrow them.) I'm not an expert, so don't quote me, but that's my understanding.

And four, slash fandom has had a huge, annoying blind spot ever since the term was coined (it seems to have come from the slash in "Kirk/Spock"). People of the same gender can make very close, longtime friendships. _It happens, dammit._ You probably have at least one such friend yourself. And most of those friendships are _not_ right on the edge of turning into romances. Even if Mio and Ritsu were both gay, that still wouldn't mean they were destined to be a couple.

None of this makes it impossible to write good K-ON! yuri. On the contrary, there's quite a bit out there. I even named Lil and Rai after two FFN authors whose Mio/Ritsu stories I've enjoyed. (The characters aren't based on them; it's just a shoutout.) And it would be silly not to recognize the yuri subtext in the series. Kakifly cast Mio and Ritsu as Romeo and Juliet; he had Azusa make Valentine's chocolates for Mio; he's the one who put the goggles on Mugi. Yuri fic for these characters is not a crazy idea.

No, all I'm saying is that you have to _work_ at it. Mio's afraid of paper cuts; how much more would the idea of dating Ritsu in public terrify her? How do the girls usually _react_ to Mugi's fantasies? Why would a gay Ritsu get so shy and thoughtful over what she thought was a boy's confession to her? A good yuri story doesn't ignore these things, it addresses them.

The flip side of the coin in my story is Azusa. (It probably looks like I pulled a fast one in that last chapter, but I had it in mind all along. There were hints.) _She's_ dating a girl all right, but it's not Yui or Mio, and she doesn't want to make a big issue of it - she'd have answered if anyone asked, but no one did. She lets Mio's slighting remarks pass because she's realistic enough to expect them; it takes several days' worth to exhaust her patience. She won't hold a grudge either, but things will certainly be awkward between them for a while. And poor Mio now has to reconcile her shock and worry for Azusa with her guilt for never asking or even wondering about her friend's personal life.

_That's_ a bit closer to what "yuri" looks like in the real world. You don't see it coming and you're not automatically comfortable with it, whatever your social politics. I'm neither defending nor condemning the real world here - I'd just like to see more of it in K-ON! fics. It's where we live, ain't it?

But the _main_ reason I wrote this wasn't to make a point. I just love writing for these characters. Fun, fun series.

Some shorter notes:

- I mentioned that Lil and Rai were named after two FFN authors. Those two are Little Donkey (formerly Lil-Donkey) and RaiStorm. Check 'em out if you haven't already. In particular, Little Donkey's "Chances Are" is one of the most poignant fics I've ever read - slash or not.

- The Indigo Girls! Not only does the title of this fic refer to them - and the classic Dylan song "Tangled Up in Blue", of course - but each chapter is named after one of their songs (except the last one, which gets the title of their first live album). They're famous these days as lesbian activists, but you wouldn't know it from most of their music; I'd already been a fan for years when I found out. Their guitar skill and harmonies are unrivaled, and unlike most bands, they're still making music that stands up to their early hits. Check 'em out. _Rites of Passage_ is a good album to start with.

- Tegan and Sara are Canadian twins (their last name's Quin), and as with the Indigo Girls, I was a fan before I knew they were gay - right from their first album, in fact. Their quality's a bit uneven and their voices take getting used to, but when they're good, they're GOOD. My first T&S concert had a crowd much like the one ATT got in Chapter 1; it was my first encounter with the fact that lesbians were a real thing and not some sort of urban legend. (That said, whoever called ATT a Japanese Tegan and Sara in my story was strange - their music's nothing alike.)

- One more music reference: "Hirasawa's Haremites" is kind of a weird joke on Herman's Hermits.

- Ritsu's friend Renge hails from _Ouran High School Host Club_. In her first appearance, she filmed a ridiculous video casting the host club as delinquents. The "NO, Thank You" end theme is exactly what would happen if she got her hands on After-School Tea Time. I love the song, but the girls are just _so_ out of character as bored, punky students. (By the way, am I the only one who's always seen the end themes as music videos?)

That about wraps it up for "Tangled Up in Indigo." I originally wasn't gonna write more K-ON! for a while; this story and my short one, "Her Love is a Stapler", were gonna be my contribution to the fandom, and then I'd hit some others. But the response to "Indigo" has been nothing short of amazing - I'd be nuts not to do more. And not only is Season 2 almost over, but we're sadly about to lose the manga too, since Kakifly isn't continuing into the girls' university years. It'll be up to us to keep the fandom going.

So rest assured, I'll _definitely_ be writing more for this series. Not necessarily immediately, but I've already got a few ideas. And I still have other series targeted, which is what my poll is about. I don't promise to go in order of what gets the most votes, but I'll certainly keep the results in mind. Feel free to PM me if you have a suggestion that's not listed.

Thanks very much for reading; hope you had as much fun with "Indigo" as I did. And now, here's what we're all _really_ here for... the omake!

* * *

**TANGLED UP IN INDIA**

"You're never, ever buying the tickets again," Ritsu declared.

"Stop saying that!" cried Mio. "You've said it fifteen times!"

"I refuse to take the chance that any of us might forget."

"Give her a break," said Azusa. "She's already apologized."

"Oh yeah, can't forget that. She _apologized_. As long as you _apologize_, it's okay to buy us all tickets to New Delhi instead of San Francisco."

"Accidents will hap- Ah! Thank you," said Tsumugi to their waiter. The curry had arrived.

The girls had managed to get tickets on a later flight to the States, but they had a few hours to wait. It was long enough for a little dinner and plenty of bickering. They'd found a wide variety of curry places nearby, and they were sitting in one now, frustrated and overheating. There was an unspoken agreement that when it was time to head back, they wouldn't be too proud to accept Tsumugi's offer of a private jet ride.

The only one staying perky was, of course, Yui. "I think this is fun!" she said. "It's like a vacation! This is my very first time on another continent!"

"It's your first time on a continent, period," noted Azusa.

"Really? Neat."

"Oo, you know what else, Yui?" added Ritsu, still looking at Mio. "It's also your first time on the _wrong_ continent!"

"Shut up! Just shut up!" Mio was burning with anger and shame.

"Come on, Ritsu," said Azusa. "Just drop it."

Ritsu gave her a nasty look. "Don't you ever get tired of currying favour?"

Azusa was about to retort, but then had a thought. She took a bite of her food. "No," she told Ritsu, "but I do favour this curry."

There was a brief pause. Then both girls started laughing, as did Yui and Tsumugi.

"Sorry," said Ritsu. "I'm just worried about our curr-eers. Turning up late isn't very curr-teous." More laughter.

The drummer turned to Mio, who was clearly struggling not to smile. "I'll let it go this time," Ritsu told her. "Just don't make this a re-curr-ing habit."

"Azu-nyan, be careful!" exclaimed Yui.

"Of what?"

"This place! I heard that curry-osity killed the cat!"

Everyone laughed at that one - even Mio, losing her battle. "Not bad," said Ritsu, and Yui glowed at the rare compliment.

"I've learned my lesson," said Mio. "No more ordering tickets online. Next time I'll have them sent by curr-ier."

"Admitting your flaws takes curr-age," replied Azusa.

Ritsu added, "Just don't screw up again, or it's curr-tains for you!"

"Um!"

Everyone looked; the sound had come from Tsumugi. She was on the edge of her seat, hands clasped in excitement. She had to be part of this. She _had_ to.

But... "Um! Uh..." Nothing was coming. Why wasn't anything coming?

"Don't rush yourself," said Ritsu.

The rich girl clutched at her head as if trying to shake an idea out.

"It's okay," said Azusa, getting worried. "You don't have to -"

Too late. Desperation had seized Tsumugi. She grabbed her bowl and yelled "CURRY FIGHT!"

By the time it was all over, Tsumugi owed the restaurant three thousand dollars, Yui had to be treated for second-degree burns, and all five girls were banned from New Delhi until 2018.

* * *

**TANGLED UP IN VERTIGO**

"Hey Jun. How was -"

"_I've figured you out!_"

"Huh?"

"You're not the real Azusa at all! You're an impostor!"

"Uh..."

"You're just an actress who was trained to seduce me! And it worked, I admit it! But now I've seen through your veil of lies! What do you have to say for yourself, Azusa-clone?"

"I'm..."

"Oh, my dearest Azusa number 2! I can't stay mad, even if you are a fake! Let us embrace near this high window and - NOOOO! Fake Azusa! _Fake Azusaaaaa!_"

"..."

"...Okay, so the local theatre company is doing a production of _Vertigo_. I'm going to audition. How was my performance?"

"It made me dizzy."

* * *

**TANGLED UP IN ICHIGO**

"Hey Ichigo!" Ritsu called out. "How would you like to play drums with a world-famous rock group?"

Her former classmate gave her a puzzled look. "Aren't you the drummer?"

"Well, yeah, usually. But I can't play tonight. See, I just found out I have tennis elbow. Tennis elbow cancer. Got me in both arms. Ebola virus too."

"Those things don't sound temporary."

"...Oh, fine. I just don't want to wear these super-frilly clothes Mio dug out. And it's only Chapter 2, so you just know things are gonna get even weirder from here."

"..."

"So whattaya say? _You're_ a real princess type. This would be right up your alley!"

"...I'd rather not," she answered, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger.

Ritsu sighed. "You suck, Ichigo."

* * *

**TANGLED UP IN ICHIGO 100%**

(Insert the previous scene. Make sure you get all of it.)

* * *

**TANGLED UP IN ICHIGO MASHIMARO**

_Don't call us cute!_  
_Fluffy fluffy! The strawberry girls are coming!_

"See?" yelled Ritsu, pointing at the TV screen. "They blatantly ripped off two of our songs _and_ the imagery from the 'Listen!' video! We oughta sue!"

"It's just a few words," countered Azusa. "We'd have no case. And there's a more serious problem."

"Oh yeah? What?"

"If we protest this show, we're admitting we've watched it."

Ritsu blanched.

"Yeah," said Azusa. "I'm in no hurry to look like a pedophile either."

* * *

**SHUFFLED UP IN INDIGO**

Mio swung the chair with all her might. It hit the test dummy straight and true, knocking it across the hall, but not actually breaking it.

"Excellent!" said Lisianthus, princess of the gods. "You're a quick learner, Mio."

"Thanks, Sia. I appreciate your taking the time to teach me this."

"No problem. Beating someone with a chair without doing major damage is an important skill for any young girl. I hope it helps you defeat your love rivals!"

"Love rivals?" Mio made a face. "You're the harem girl, not me."

"Really? You have your man all to yourself?"

"Er... not exactly. I do slice-of-life. It's set at an all-girl school."

Sia gasped, one hand over her mouth.

"I... I haven't even seen a man for half a season," finished Mio, looking down.

Tears welling up in her eyes, Sia hugged Mio. "You poor _dear_."

* * *

**TANGLED UP IN BLUER THAN INDIGO**

"This manga is wonderful!" gushed Tsumugi as she returned Ritsu's _Ai Yori Aoshi_ tankobon.

"Heh. You don't have to say that again every time you borrow a volume, y'know."

"It's so touching! I never would have taken you for a romance fan, Ricchan!"

"Shhh!" The drummer looked around nervously. "It's... it's sort of a new interest. A guy I met in the States recommended this one to me. Indirectly. Kinda."

"Well, it was a good choice. May I borrow the next volume?"

Ritsu raised an eyebrow. "Uh, Mugi? That's the last one."

"What? Why would it end at volume 17?"

"Beats me, but didn't you notice how it tied everything up? Kaoru and Aoi finally went public and got married. The story's over."

Tsumugi's face filled with dismay. "You... you mean Tina and Mayu never realize their love for each other?"

"...Did you really take that step to adulthood you were talking about, Mugi?""

* * *

**TANGLED UP IN INIGO**

The swordsman glared coldly at Azusa. "My name is Inigo Montoya," he declared. "You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Azusa sighed. "I explained this already. Ritsu called me a six-_stringer_ the other day because I play guitar. You misheard and thought I had six _fingers_. I'm not the person you're after."

"My name is Inigo Montoya," he repeated. "You killed my father. Prepare to die."

"Count them!" Azusa held up a hand. "One, two, three, four, five!"

"My name is... what? Let me see that." The swordsman grabbed her hand and performed a manual recount. "Cuatro... cinco. Oh. Sorry," he said, blushing. "My mistake."

"Forget it. Good luck killing Bill or whatever."

As the swordsman departed, Azusa made a mental note to put the word out that Ritsu was secretly a one-armed man.

* * *

**TANGLED UP IN INTEGRAL**

Ui's brow furrowed in frustration. No good... in fifteen minutes of work, she hadn't made a dent in this calculus problem. It was time to call in the expert. "Big sister!" she shouted.

Yui was there in seconds. She'd been hoping for that shout. Neither of the Hirasawa girls knew exactly _why_ Yui had shown such aptitude for math of all things, but it gave her the chance to act like a big sister for once, and she was loving every second of it. "What is it? Show me show me show me! Show me thy problem, young madam, and I shall resolve it!"

Ui grinned at her tutor's enthusiasm. She too was loving this; it was wonderful to finally play the part of younger sister, even if it was only a walk-on. "It's this one," she said, pointing. "The integral of secant. I've tried lots of -"

"Oh, _that_ one! You need a trick to make it work. See, you multiply by tangent plus secant over itself..."

Ui was startled. "But that's so messy! At least right now it's _simple_."

"Yeah, but watch!" Yui wrote a few more lines.

"Ohhh," said Ui as the point became clear. "I get it. The top becomes the derivative of the bottom."

Yui grinned. "Isn't it neat how that works out? I figured it out myself, but the teacher said most people need a hint. I am your hinter!"

"Thanks!" Ui patted her on the head; Yui purred. Somehow neither of them saw it as out of place. "You're so smart, big sister. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd fail!" said Yui cheerfully.

Ui laughed. From anyone else, that would be either an insult or a careless slip, not to mention bragging. Only her sister could have said it not just without meaning offense, but without the _possibility_ of offense ever crossing her mind.

As Yui wrote out the last lines, Ui marvelled again at how the solution worked. "I guess it's a bit like cooking with eggs," she mused. "They're simple and neat, but until you break their shells, you can't accomplish anything with them."

Yui stopped cold in mid-integration. She looked up at Ui, her eyes welling up with tears.

"Big sister? What's wrong?"

"You..." Yui struggled to speak. "You BREAK them?"

* * *

**TANGLED UP IN WENDIGO**

Ritsu dashed into After-School Tea Time's studio and slammed the door behind her. "Hide! You've all got to hide, quick!"

Tsumugi, wide-eyed with horror, cried, "Why, Ritsu? What terrible monster are you running from?"

"Yui!" whispered Ritsu, going pale. "Because she didn't get any of your tea and treats on the trip, her starvation has consumed her! She's become the _wendigo_! Only the flesh of the living can satisfy her cannibalistic madness!"

"Oh no!" Tsumugi hid behind the drum set, joined a moment later by Ritsu and Azusa.

Something began pounding at the door. After a few seconds, it turned the knob, then crashed the door wide open. Out of the darkness, waving her arms wildly and gnashing her teeth, the thing that had once been Yui emerged. It made a beeline for the one girl who hadn't concealed herself... Mio.

It came closer. _Closer._

Mio sipped her tea.

"I can't look!" cried Ritsu, apparently not worried about her cover.

The Yui-creature was now right in front of Mio. With its enhanced, animalistic sense of smell, it took a tremendous sniff.

It sniffed again.

Disappointed, the beast turned away. "Not fat enough," it growled.

Mio turned to Ritsu. "Are we done with this now?"

"Shhh!" hissed Ritsu from hiding. "It'll come for me!"

The Yui-monster was in fact inspecting a plate of cupcakes.

"Let me guess," said Mio. "This is an attempt to cheer me up about gaining weight on the trip, right?"

"Maybe," said Ritsu. She stood up, as did the other two, nodding supportively.

"And this struck you as a good plan," continued Mio, "despite the fact that it hinged on Yui's acting talent?"

"She's not so b..." Ritsu trailed off, staring at the 'wendigo'. "Yui, why the _hell_ are you wearing vampire fangs?"

"Grr! I'm a warthog!" she explained.

The drummer facepalmed. But Mio wasn't done. "Did it also not occur to you," she said, clenching both fists, "that it might be prudent to make sure I actually HAD gained weight on the trip?"

"What was I supposed to do, stick you on a scale? Mugi said you probably had."

Tsumugi flailed her arms. "R-Ritsu asked if you looked a bit chubby! All _I_ did was say yes! I mean..."

A vein popped out on Mio's forehead.

Ritsu and Tsumugi pointed. "It was Azusa's idea!"

"Hey!" the rhythm guitarist protested. "I never said we should actually do it. I just said it would be funny."

"That was like daring me!" countered Ritsu.

Before Mio could respond, a cupcake appeared at her side. She turned, very slowly, to see Yui handing it to her.

"Donph worry abouph it," said Yui, munching on another one herself. "We... mmmm!... we don't care if you're fat."

There were no survivors.


End file.
